The recovering stage is always that hard...

The route to recovery seem so long and hard..so tedious and exhausting...

A Song to describe what i should do? " Yong Gan" - Zhang Huei Mei

It has been some time since i wrote in here..been busy with classes yet again i gues..sometimes just felt am so tired to write anything..why is this so? I dunnoe..My hands felt so tired, my right shoulder is giving me a very numbness feeling..What is happening to me.. Seem to have alot of illness in my body coming up..Whenever i fet that sad & unhappy, she will always be here for me..no longer is she anymore..

She msn me yesterday out of the blue it took me so aback..asking how cum i put "Ruojun" this name as my msn nick..noe y..It has a story behind it..After been thru so many thunderstorms of r/s, this is the only one that made me fele that i wanted to settle down with my partner and a sad thing is she is too much younger then me, we thought and wanted to have a home and live on our own..having kids whom we would named her(girl - Stace, Tan Ruojun), (Boy - Joel, Tan Junwei). This thought of this name keep replaying in my memory..and im so terriblyy affected by it..how i wish i could too...but a pity...everything that you want would not turn out the wae as expected..

i rather if she wan sms or msn, she will continue do it as if we are still very good frens but if she ask me to give her time b4 we should meet up, y even msn or sms me..It only bring my whole mood down..and for this i noe someone out there is also suffernig from this pain like me..."My good confidate, certain things might have to go one dae and it is always not within our means to keep it within our control" We really have to learn and cope wih it...is that really so? I dunnoe...Everytime i heard news of her, the pain is just intriguing..painful..

What is she doin now and stuffs? Heard that she injured her shoulder..Hope that she will recover soon ...That silly girl..sometimes really afraid that she will over exert herself and her body..really dun wish to see anithing happen to her or her body...Felt really upset shes this wae...Hope she will treasure her ownself too..Shes still being very defensive towards me..i wonder when can our barrier be closed up..Am i destined to always this kinda fate with Capricons...I dunoe..i jus hate this feeling...When faced with capricons, theres always no good ending..

I keep thinking of her whenever my mind is empy, when my time is not occupied..Yesterday i wen t for my lessons and the song taught was (Yong Gan - Zhang Huei Mei)..It adaptly describe all inner thoughts of me...should i be brave too and fight all this off..i wish and want to...but i realise my strength is just so limited..

I miss her...I miss you..I miss eeyore..I miss ma tong...I miss my Laogong...I miss my beloved Dear....


Thru time goes, i realise i love you just that much ... till i can't breathe..

Live happily and that would be my best comfort..



* To realise..to see..to feel...to know..what love is exactly about...