Sometimes i wonder what am i feeling in me...

What exactly happen to myself...in my life...


All of a sudden on this late nite...I seem to have alot of late thoughts flooding into my mind...Where should i exactly start from ...Work? Maybe...

Work

Farni...what is it abt work that is bothering me? Idun seem to understand...but one thing i noe of is i'm not happy working here in this current job...Am i really just pessimistic towards my job or am i just picky abt it. Should i just be glad that at least i had a job...Why do i always seem to have so much questions on my mind...I did try answering myself but to no avail...My aunt recommended me this job as a procurement exe. I really have to thank them but still i know in me, i have no other alternative thats y i need to accept this job to survive... I have too many commitments ans stuffs to contribute that i know i need cash all the time...I wish to find a job that i like too.. But seriously, it is really never easy...with me out of navy, with no experience outside, with my qualifications like nuts..I am nothing..

I felt so stuck here...I have all the heart to move on for a better future..greener pastures yet i could not move just bcoz i do not have the financial ability to do what i want to do..To be a instructor? I need to take course and all these need money...i doesn't have it... i dun have the ability to do anithing...No matter how much i wan venture out, i couldn't...i am stuck here...dunnoe for how long...How to be opptismistic abt it when i dun see any future of road ahead of me...i need money...dun i...yes i do...

Put all that aside for i noe, i can t do anithing abt it unless i have a big sum of money now...i be able to really get down to do what i want..

Singing Life..

Sometimes i wonder how this road will turn out to be for me...i dare not think...coz for my age, perhaps it is already too late..but still i held on...for the fact this is my dream and i hope to fufill it no matter how little wae it cold be..I wanna try...i knew a guy from my Gao Fei class...he is 18 years older den me...Im into the stage which i din even noe wad am i now..what has bcum of me...wd is exactly my status and identity now...i felt as if i am having a indentity crisis...wad am i thinking...I am indeed touched by what this guy has done...and tho i really prefer more mature man...but he seem way too old...hmmm...i just felt that something was missing...but i dunnoe wad was it...it might just be my identity has not really been cleared up yet...i din even noe wad am i now..and at this studio i happen to noe ager 1 yr younger den me...a person whom i wana noe very long ago...coz i always to her as my idol in singing...Never imagine that there will be this dae that i will get to noe her and to think that we could just hit it off so well....i dun deny i am really very good to her...to the fact that i really treated her like princess and pamper her quite alot...Dunnoe y...she just gave me this feeling that i have to care for her...It a miracle...the feeling kinda same like ching...haiz...jsut hope she appreciate everything that i've doone for her coz i have already taken her like my younger sis...and teng her alot...

Hmm...dunnoe wad im saying la...just wish that she will grow up to be a good and forever a special in my heart which onli i myself noe of..."Jv, no matter wad u do, i be forever at a side protecting you silently...always in my life..."


Xt

Yes, i heard abt her this kinda daes...saw her msn and seem she has been missing me...me too but ...somehow i noe even if theres a possibility one dae that we cld get back together, probz that has already exist will still re-surfaces yet agn...and for this, i dun think i will want it to be this wae ...THo i very much wish that i could be in her arms...i noe my commitments can never allow me to do that...i could only wish all the best for her happiness...For all my changes in my llife towards my commitments, i am still the same old me...


"Love acts no wonder...trust me fully...i beseech you coz i hope we could share weal and woe together one fine dae dwn the road...U will always be the princess k, my dear sis..."