Is my thoughts really that negative...?

Am i such a negative person...?


"Sometimes when we touch, the honesty so much..." - A song that i once so liked..

Whenever we went to ktv...i would always like to hear my B sing Cantonese song and "Tai Wei Qu"...Dunnoe y..just make me relive the past memories agn..Not just the guys are so memerised by her voice, even i myself couldn't help it but fall in love with it..And her Canto song is just so fantastically nice..I think i am really memerised with her...with her vocals, with her, just with her everything...i cant fight the feeling off when faced with my identity crisis..I hope i can take her just as my younger sis..and i am really trying hard to do that and nothing else...i really hope i could succeed in overcoming this barrier of mine...Very soon enuff, her bdae will be coming..(Oct 13). I have yet to think of anything to buy for her yet..Felt like doing something special for her and make it a very special memorable bdae year for her...But am i up to it? ..I dunnoe...i guess i just wana do something just to see her happily celebrating which she loses out all these years..

I feel so deeply attached to her everything now..My life already practically revolved ard her..Was that gd or bad? I dunnoe it myself too..I just hope to protect her while i still can...while i'm still around..to make sure she's not hurt or bullied..I guess for her everything is worth it...Everybody has been asking me..is it worth it? to do so many things for her? Would she came to realise and appreciate it? I chose to believe that she will and she knows it..

Know what..out of a sudden thought, din noe y i have been kiping in touch with my ex.Im always the one taking the initiative to call her chit chat for aawhile, ask her out ...but the coming out has never materilised as she is flying to Perth this Thurs for VB training...All of a sudden, i have been thinking...y am i suddenly thinking of her? Am i missing her right now?Y is it that she has never take the effort to msg or call me? I dunnoe...Just 1/2 an hr ago, i thought of asking her " Have you already moved on?" ...But in the end, i never got the courage to ask..Perhaps i just doesn't dare face it..My heart seem to still wavied very much to my past..I was so much more relaxed and happy...the attention, the feel all came so differently..Tho im happy now, it is also bcuz of B that i am happy in my kinda life now..When faced with guys...seriously i dinnoe how to handle myself well at all...That is just so sad...Am i really that negative? Or iszit just that i think earlier for things? Theres pros and cons in everything men...But i just cant feel my luck in wadever things coming...At least that's what i felt..


B on my left, ah pek on my right..Xt in my heart...Just so which is which..what is what...HOw is how?


I guess sometimes i really just think too much..but iszit avoidable? I tried not to think so much..i really tried...but i guess it is really just abt the feel and stuffs men for feeling lost ...In my heart, i wish you well and all the best ger...i still feel as much for ya...B, as for you, no matter wad, i be always dere for you...for you will always be my beloved sis...ah pek, i wonder does even ever a ordinary person catch ur eye one dae?


I am tired...shall rest my mind, my heart now and cast all unpleasant thoughts all aside..Earning lotsa $$$ should be prioty now...isnt it so? To earn more! Buy a car...have spare cash on hand..fetch my B around...my main objective now...Word hard! Kam Ba Dek..! :)


Truely, Madly, Deeply..."I am just so in love with you...." - By Regine & Jacky Cheung...