Seems so lost...?

Dunnoe y do i feel so lost...just so lost...

What am i exactly losing? Or am i really losing anything? Or was i too sensitive towards things around me? Perhaps i really am and that's y i'm becoming so despondent..So down...Wad exactly iszit, that kinda feel so strong that is able to devour the whole of my self.. Am i still that important and significant to her? I dunnoe...I do everything for her, over the extent of myself, and yet i continue doing it ..coz i do it w/o qualms for her...But sometimes im wondering is she hiding anything else ...Mayb a invisible expectation has set in..which i shld really should put it aside.. Is it so wrong to tell him that it is me who paid for your bills? Wad is dere to hide from him? IT made me feel that im someone in the closet.."A friend whr gt so gd help me pay bill?"...Aren't we aldy as close as sisters? Wad is dere to "ji jiao" den...

Sometimes i do wonder...if just one dae..im no longer around...wad would u feel...as a passing phase? i dunnoe.. I realli think alot..but wad to do? Im indeed a thinker...Afraid of ur this and that..afraid of you feeling unhappy, afraid of you getting lonely..afraid of u going hungry, afraid of u feeling bored and tons & tons of stuffs that you cld think of..& all that i need of i guess was just appreciation n concern frm u...Hmm, but i rarely felt it...tho i've never and learn not to expect anithing from it outta u.. How i wonder why does humans have so much thoughts in us...4ever thinking and tinking never ending...& wen everyone gets happily attached, im feeling the loneliness yet agn..yes, agn? yup..for years...this feeling has never gone away...When will my love come?

"Life is only that wonderful when you knows how to live it the way you want & not what others control it to be..In my life, i do alot of everything for others but never for myself..Am i really indeed happy..I'm still searching my self ...my true self who will depicts a different side of me..What am i exactly like? Loneliness are not just by words but actions as well..No one understands...tho i very much wish that she show her understanding and concern more to me tho i noe that's not in her character..So wad else could i expect..."

"The sea breeze will be the only thing 4ever accpying me thru this life w/o abandoning me... What i held on are just sea waters that will flow away fast one dae when the tide are high...I have an intriuging sharp pain that just slit thru in me..making it a scar 4ever in my life..." I've long regarded you as my godsis and i really hope to keep you as one..Sometimes i wonder how she realli felt.."sisters"? jus doesnt fit in place..A godsister i wld kip her as..for the 2 meaning are actually very different..if shes willing..i hope she does..i have been waiting dunnoe till when...it is so easy to take james as brro..iszit that diffcult for us?

Yes, so i'm waiting..for my godsister to be back and i believe that would be my greatest moment when that day comes if she commits..My little "wish" for the coming New Year.. When will it come true? thru the times that i noe her, the only thing that i really got from her personally was a ring bot by her on my bdae and nthg else..to remember her by...& i've never ask for much just her little happiness, her little smile and the ppl "Leoy" that wld bring a big smile on her...Wish for her to be happy happy..BB, be happy k?

Nana