My despondent mood yet agn..

My despondent mood yet agn few daes in a straight row..Just wad is happening...


When ppl started saying that im a thinker at times, i've no choice but to admit otherwise..Im really a thinker..Just wad iszit with me that made me think so much..i ponder at times..Todae at work my mood was normal ...everything seem just fine..theres no fitstart at all for me...everybody was just like toking abt wad has happened the past few daes..Discussion went on and as i look on wf my buddy Ah beng..we decided there and den it was real tiring working here..Alot of things was concluded after so mani happenings..Rin wasnt feeling too good to dae after ranting out at her buddy, ah beng wasnt feeling too good bcoz of work and tiredness..i wasnt feeling too good bcoz of work, friends and mood....Seriously doesnt noe y..fren came to look for me and hence shopping with them for awhile b4 heading back club to see a person (member) that has so called bcum my frend in the turn of event..

Yea..Yea..Toking abt this person..Hmm..she gave me a very farni and different feel..i doesnt noe y but the feel of it was just good..She seems to make a good fren..i took her fitstart , i tried opening up to her, workout with her todae..with me being in a un-even mood..with rin leaving 1st breaking her promise onli to find myself upset..i guess at times, im just too regimental..inflexible...but i just hate the feel of a promise being broken...~de~well..aniwae carry on to vent my wadever fustration out on workout whacking all the machines with my newfound fren..She was with me accompanying me ..can u imagine we went for sauna together after which we went for supper..We tok alot but everything b/w us seem to have some reservations still..i wonder and thought to myself..Hmm..is my past instinct coming back?i dunnoe..i jus had a good feel when im with her..toking to her..i can seem to relate to her..BUt i dunnoe wad she is..but frm the look of itshe seems as tho shes a G4..i wonder...she keeps me in suspense..

Yes Onion, i will unravelled u 1 fine dae...till this dae comes, i will continue to peel it shred by shred with tender care...Trust me on that..I dunoe whether im doing the right thing but at least im happy doing it this wae and im not gona care so much abt it animre..

Yes...Thats abt it...im tired but ive still lots and tons on my mind...*thinkles, thinkles, thinkles*...:p

Love,
ace

There is really a difference...

Is our friendship and sisterhood really gona fade off this wae bcoz of the time constraints in each and eveyone of us....

There is really a differrence now in all sisters of us...we seem to have drifted apart..and seriously i dun feel good in me..Dunnoe y...i just felt wasted, upset..whn everybody have each of their own job, everybody started drifting apart..did we all make an effort to at least mit up? All our schedules are so tight...and the sis that matter most to me was alicia..Frm me noeing her the 1st till now..we seem to have drifted vr far apart..she no longer call and chat with me..she no longer msg nor reply to my msg animre...she doesnt share alot of her things wf me animre..we seem to have ease alot of communications...which are just so important and essential to our friendship too..

i treasure alicia, gene alot..but seeing the moment i got this career of mine, everybody oso getting a job on hand le..we seem to have no time for one another..tho itz understandable bcoz of job, this is bound to happen, but i cnt help but feel so compressed and suppressed in me..im actually in fact so afraid of losing them..Esp b/w me and alicia...I kenw her for so long, went thru so much wf her..i realli hope i will still be as that wel with her be it yrs down the road..ami able to do that? i dunnoe...i cnt figure it out..

ami thinking toom uch int othings? i dunnoe ...things that i thought always tentatively tend to happen..and i hate that kinda feel..am i really thinking too much? iF we are really good and close frens, we will still be no matter how long we never contact...den y am i still afraid...i dunnoe myself oso...


Recently at work , rin kip telling me abt alot of things and things that i might haven even discover myself frm...ni wonder, and i ponder..i noe wad shes trying to sae and i noe she feel how i felt..But alot of other things in my life, is others really able to understand?whn will my Mr/Mrs Right come?Wad am i or shld i go for?Whn will i find myself?

sometimes i feel that i think and ponder for too long ..and im in fact tired..i wana leave things that wae it is..am i rite to do that? Or shld i do that? i really wonder y and how...

Whn i start writing, all the more i realise i dunnoe wad to write ...How the thoughts jsut seem to stuck in my head....maybe if u use a knife open up my skull...all the answers shld be dere..But now at thsi pt of time, i shall eas eden...


For i aldy dinoe wad i myself am trying to write animre le...But one thing for sure...i misses "her" alot...How i wish and hope our hood and bond will alwasy goes on and on...Take care ya ah b,,,No matter whr u are, i will be dere if not silently at a corner supporting u always ..... u will never be forgotton and whenever u are in need, i will sur ebe dere for ya...always....

Am i always a supporter onli? I guess i am...i just want some ppl to be happy ....Take cre b, i love and will teng u always...:)


Whn feelings seem just so extremely in u...ita justso hard to pull everthing out from ur thoughts and heart..Just wad am i a person, y wldnt i understand myself and noe just wad an identity am i ...I hope to find and unravelled this soon...Hugs...my dear b, do take care and ya, always be dere for ya...:)

Humans are really selective in wad dey wan and the wae dey feel..

I felt like a ball being kick ard at whim..isznt tt so?

Yet some ppl jsut dun see it that wae or mayb dun even feel it and just think that y am i kicking up a big fuss..Am i?


Has she ever thought of how i felt? Shes alwasy lidat and im alwasy condoning all this..Yet she dun appreciate and see it at all..The spilting hurt that she always sent thru me.."To9 u go home dun come my place la, if not wait i cnt 1 Nite leh"..i ask so u doent want me to be aat ur pl not in future too..She sae Ya...Imagine my hurt..she just said out and ive to beared all this hurt..coz ive been staying at my this great buddy place every weekend n Yest Nite she act told me that...

So Tell me, how shld i feel, think and react? SOmetimes i just felt tired..shes not a kid animre, she noes wad she herself is doin even if it is wrong..N i cn tsae anitng..Im nobody aniwae..in no position to sae..

Morever she doent like that too..Maybe it is tie i shld really steer away..? Y????Y????Y?????Y?????Ahahahahah


Nana

I hope u be strong...

It has been so long since i last wrote ..Thru many paths, ups & downs we have been thru 2gether..i cross my heart n tell u here no matter wads gona happen now or future, u will 4ever be my that gd a sis n i'll be standing dere by u no matter which destination u decide upon..We cldnt cntrol destiny but we could cntrol our own fate..I promise u no matter hw huge a battle u gona fight n face, u will never be alone..i will always be here supporting u thruout! But always promise to stand on the top of the hill n have a clearer view of the world..ur perspective will definately be much wider..We chance upon noeing one another and i treasure this friendship & sisterhood that we both share..I hope u do too...

"4ever on my mind, onli one thought always came across..i wana see u 4ever happy, e alwiz ever lively, bubbly aLiCia that would laugh wif no qualms as if e whole world is hers..:) Remain happy & beautiful always! Stay jovial but pls dun 4get me k? Keke..My dear ger, u r dere, jus that little 1st step.." :)

U can do it...Hugs

Nana

Maybe that's Life...

It is just so unfathomable...Certainity, i guess ...i'm just not her best "sis, fren, buddy"? I wonder did she ever taken me as her sis...So upsetting perhaps sensitive yes i am...seeing her put her and her best sis nana pictures in her friendster...But for me, my name was just indicated on it..and not as her wadever...haiz...life is just such..

Came to see ans realise so much things for this 1 week + that shes not around ...Im just too engrossed into all this...

2dae i just returned her her house keys...acomplished my mission to look after her house, attend to her tenant, top up her fridge..sometimes i dun even noe y am i doin all this for..Perhaps am just being used to it le..Last time, is always the sweetest...she wld always say so nice, i got tis fantastic sis who wld go to all the trouble frm her house to my house just to deliver food to me..but now everything just seem so normal and right to be that way kind of stuff...I also dunnoe y is it this way...does u noe it? Guess i really need some enlightement..

C'mon, who could provide me with answers...:(

So happy that b is finally bck frm KL..So long since i last saw her..so on sat i stay ovr at ehr place till todae..every minute spent was so worth treasuring..I think im the only one who will be feeling this wae..coz i treasure every bit of this best sis of mine..I might be hers..bt shes definately my best sis...



Knowing her in my life has never been better then anything else..Shes the one..my beloved best sis...:) Always learn to protect urself..i wnt lie to u...it is to ur own good...Im still waitng for tt dear "always laughing happily' alicia b to come back yet again...:)

Some things are just meant to be this way...

What exactly that lead to this today...

For so long i've been pondering, am i comparing or are you really no longer the same? You are still like b4 never liking to say nor voce things out...The us now are so not as close as b4..Dun tell me you cant sense anithing at all..Y is this so? Actually i dun even noe it myself but it jst seem to happen...

I've been thinking it thru and thru what exactly hapn..thinking over all those things that we did together in the past..How happy we were...You were right to say that frens passes thru every indivudual life as a short phase..perhaps this was really so for your thinking...I kip thiking bck abt our past coz it was just so memorable and i was so much happier..Perhaps i really regarded you more impt then u ..Perhaps to you, im just a passing phase in your life..

I once told you that everybody was looking at us with eyes suspicion, we are so close so fast so sudden..can our friendship really last?I told you i'm actually afraid that this 1 dae will come that we will no longer be as close and our friendship will eventually fade off...and i told you i'm afriad to see that...At that time, you told me, oyu was afraid too..at least back den, i knew ...you really care abt our friendship...

And now i really felt the time seems to come..our friendship seems to fade off not as close as b4..and im clueless..are we just not that strong? Are you really oblivous and totally cnt feel that now we doesnt seem to have much to tok abt? I dunnoe...

It is just this feel..i never wana give up on us..and alot of times, alot of things takes 2 hands to clap..2 person to work it out..I saw it in you in the past...But no longer..perhaps you are alreadi too engrossed in other things and ppl to realise that..If you arer really happi this wae, i wish you all the best..Aniwae wadever i do frm the past till now is all for you..if only you see it..

I felt so tired..sister you are to me...but have you seriously regarded me as..Im sensitive ya..but i believe theres always a reason y i will be sensitive and dere is some truth in it if noti wldnt feel it that wae..i really hope one dae you wld rem everything that you once said to me and regain wad you oonce are..my dear sis..the one that i knew, caring and tho not sensitive but at least i can feel it...the person i once knew..

I miss those daes...i really do...


BB?

i'm Sorry..

I'm sorry if ive said or done anithing to hurt you or make it seem so nan ting and make you feel uncomfortable..Perhaps to you i always seem to write all this lengthly "bo liao" things but to me, it is actually the only way i could make myself vent out wadever that i have in me so long..

I'm really sorry and i hope our friendship is strong enuff to withstand all this storm..I always only wish and want the best for you..anf nthing else..Tho i might be blunt at times..but ive never meant you any harm..Hope you understand that..

B, I'm sorry...

Nana BB