Itz been so long..Since i blog down my thoughts...=)

Life is just so amazing...=)

Quote: By dblx..

Self-Composed Song : " Chen2 Jin1 Yong1 You3 De3 Guo4 Qu4"...


So here we stand anchored in hope
letting the rain wash away every fear.
Stars in the sky twinkle and shine
I pray they won't disappear.
I wish that time could be replayed
I'd keep you here with me everyday.
They say that love is letting go
I hope that you find your way.
'cause I don't know where your journey goes
or how long it takes to unfold.
But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark
I will be watching over every beat of your heart.
And I know, you're watching over every beat of my heart.


It has been so long since i last blog here..Been busy..yes real busy with all stuffs happening in my life..Hmm, well, perhaps it is good to be busy at this point of time so that i could get her temporaily out of my mind..

Happenings just too much happenings..was just mentioning think i am really down on my luck that couple of daes..Bobby passed away le..had a fall and stuffs...But well something unexpected was 'She' actually msg me one fine dae (Thurs - cos was having lessons) hoping that im living on fine..hmm, well .. how do u define fine and well den..Concindentally, she lost her mobile too and we exchange a few couples of msgs dere and den..she asking "Had i move on"? - Yes, move on in life coz had to but feel in heart remains deep within..She replied: " There is nothing to move on as the feeling remains deep in her heart no one could replace"... I ask dblx, is there any special meaning to all this she was saying, she said no...hmm,m perhaps it really was just a msg to let update me that she lost her mobile too ba...but neverthless, i felt happy upon hearing that i am still in her heart...really silently feeling happy...and till now i still felt the saem for her too tho i have already move on with my life coz there is just too much things awaiting me to do..

A heart-warming msg tho which ended when my lessons start..been tight up to my neck with lessons, practices, competitions & performance...So busy and packed..but am feeling happy as i really do find satisfaction finally in something i really enjoyed doing..

& of coz started to know alicia and my grp of kakis better and find life so much mre meaningful..Whenever it is time for "lalalala" i will always be over the moon coz i know we will all be talking abt the same thing and chuckling away! haha

Got to know alicia better after we both realise we followed different 'teacher' other den Gao fei..life bcums mre interesting and we practically shared alot of stuffs and talks together even with her bf! haha Went to her house yesterday and she actually plucked my eyebrows for me men...wad cn be better den tt? Free Service leh..hehe

Been enjoying my dae cooped up with singing ... This sat (23rd Jul 05) coming! my 1st ever outside stage competition with others..cnt help bt felt alittle kan cheong still and errrr....hopefully i cld stable myself..coz i really would want to perform well and not let my teacher and myself down lo..Wish me Luck k!!! Treat it as normal practice that would be the best remedy! Hehe

Alot of competitions men...partyworld competition coming up grand final at Genting Highlands and im taking part as a individual and as a grp with alicia! Haha dunow wad song to pick yet..just alot of events coming up that is lo..so happy and busy..not thinking..not thinking..not thinking..not thinking..not thinking..not thinking..not thinking..not thinking..not thinking..not thinking..not thinking..not thinking..not thinking..of her...not thinking..not thinking..not thinking..not thinking..at the very least for the moment that im busy with my stuffs...


At the back of my head, i still knew she will forever exist in my mind and heart and i just wanna tell her..." My ger, tho we are no longer together, i still love & miss you so...I still hope to be in your arms one fine dae..." *Hugs & Kisses*


"When life carries and moves on, only a tingling feeling will be lfet in you to always remind you that the love of your heart will always remain in you mind no matter what you, wherever you might go...It just follows you there and then..." =)

Always waiting for the ONE...

I have always been waiting just for that particular one..U..>*Whatashiwa O' a' ishite*<...

A Song that i love.. (Without You.. By - Marieh Carey)


I've been waiting all my life
I've been waiting for you to come
I've been traveling and wandering
Alone on my own for too long
I swear I tried to convince myself
It would be much easier being alone
But after running circle after circle
I'm tired of being on my own
Alone on my own for too long
I wish I can meet you again
I'll tell you how much I am in love
When you let yourself fall into this love
I've been waiting for you to come


Love just doesn't come easy..all the more not when it has already left..Cherish..whatever you have..

When one's down..everything of hers will be down..

Life just doesn't seem smooth sailing anymore...

A Song that will 4ever remind me of her..a song that she once dedicated to me..Miss Ya Ger..*Hugs* The Song - I Do..(Cherish You) - By 98 Degrees

Why...This few days nothing seems to go right..Feeling so 'suai' lidat...Maciam offend something lidat..think must go *praypray* le..1st - i knock my lips aganist the door, had a big ulcer and swelling which made me look so ugly...urgh..2nd - my dearest beloved handphone got stolen and i hate it! feel so upset not bcos of the handphone but bcoz of the information in my handphone..think it is just so 'suai' for me.. Can't help but feel god just seem to want to take away everything from me...every single bit of her stuffs of her memories left behind with me...Why is that so...The pics in my handphone that was transferred to my PC has alot of our pics taken together ..den PC went bonkers and everything was erased..now hp lost, even those single bit of pics and sms that was sent by her all gone with it...Somehow it just made me feel this wae...is it that coincidental? Everything was just gone lidat...Tho memories of her still stay with me in my heart in my soul but those stuffs are all gone...Made my heart break and was upset for so long..3rd - Guess what..i fell down the stairs outside my house..Shit! that's painful and think i kinda sprain my ankle too...4th - my dog bobby going heart failure anytime will collapse..haiz...what a world..what a thing to happen to me..

Does evrything have to be that drastic...Why is it that life seem so not smooth-sailing..what happen...the moment she left..the moment i wrote here..everything that i wrote just seem only so bad and upsetting never once happiness glow on my face since the day she left...The happy look displayed on my face only shows just how much im affected deep within....


Kc, you are right..the recovery is long and tedious...and i think i have not even seen the light at the end of the tunnel yet..every step that i wanted to take just seem so hard and painful..dragging myself thru every footstep breathing down hard...and telling myself, i just have to carry on and move on...Yes, i might be moving on slowly but despite of all this facts, she is still at the back of my head...

Why..??I seem to be asking myself thousand and 1 things that i couldn't answered...that i am really feeling so tired..Trying to keep myself occupied everydae just so that i wouldn'y think of her...but she will always sip into my mind yet again..Is love that vunerable..or is our love that vunerable? Is our love not strong enuff..or perhaps we really have to let time prove evrything...If one day things are meant to be...it will be..If not letting go will still be the best option..I guess 1 yr frm now...i will still be like now engulfed in memories of her tho maybe moving on abit better..with my life...

I can't...i can't ...i can't get her out..never..y..is her impact so great on me? A Capricon? is that the case..how sad den...y is my life always entwined with capricons..y can't things turn out right...Arghh...

Do i have alot of voice in me?I guess so...some telling me this...some telling me that...

& one voice telling me now...it is time for lunch...! Hehe I guess im being cranky agn after so much...i just cant help it..'Wo Ai Ni Jui Sheng, Ni Ye Yi Yang Ma'?


这辈子不后悔 下辈子不曾在错过你的真爱
不再怕伤害 不再怕期待
该把幸福 找回来 而不是各自缅怀
我会在沿海地带 等着潮汐更改 试着忍耐
以为只要简单的生活 就能平息了脉搏 却忘了在逃什么...
绕着上路 走的累了 去留片刻 要如何取舍
你走路姿态 微笑的神态 见你就是曾错过的真爱...

"I love you deeply and wish that dere will be a day down the road where both of us will see the same light together once again..."

The recovering stage is always that hard...

The route to recovery seem so long and hard..so tedious and exhausting...

A Song to describe what i should do? " Yong Gan" - Zhang Huei Mei

It has been some time since i wrote in here..been busy with classes yet again i gues..sometimes just felt am so tired to write anything..why is this so? I dunnoe..My hands felt so tired, my right shoulder is giving me a very numbness feeling..What is happening to me.. Seem to have alot of illness in my body coming up..Whenever i fet that sad & unhappy, she will always be here for me..no longer is she anymore..

She msn me yesterday out of the blue it took me so aback..asking how cum i put "Ruojun" this name as my msn nick..noe y..It has a story behind it..After been thru so many thunderstorms of r/s, this is the only one that made me fele that i wanted to settle down with my partner and a sad thing is she is too much younger then me, we thought and wanted to have a home and live on our own..having kids whom we would named her(girl - Stace, Tan Ruojun), (Boy - Joel, Tan Junwei). This thought of this name keep replaying in my memory..and im so terriblyy affected by it..how i wish i could too...but a pity...everything that you want would not turn out the wae as expected..

i rather if she wan sms or msn, she will continue do it as if we are still very good frens but if she ask me to give her time b4 we should meet up, y even msn or sms me..It only bring my whole mood down..and for this i noe someone out there is also suffernig from this pain like me..."My good confidate, certain things might have to go one dae and it is always not within our means to keep it within our control" We really have to learn and cope wih it...is that really so? I dunnoe...Everytime i heard news of her, the pain is just intriguing..painful..

What is she doin now and stuffs? Heard that she injured her shoulder..Hope that she will recover soon ...That silly girl..sometimes really afraid that she will over exert herself and her body..really dun wish to see anithing happen to her or her body...Felt really upset shes this wae...Hope she will treasure her ownself too..Shes still being very defensive towards me..i wonder when can our barrier be closed up..Am i destined to always this kinda fate with Capricons...I dunoe..i jus hate this feeling...When faced with capricons, theres always no good ending..

I keep thinking of her whenever my mind is empy, when my time is not occupied..Yesterday i wen t for my lessons and the song taught was (Yong Gan - Zhang Huei Mei)..It adaptly describe all inner thoughts of me...should i be brave too and fight all this off..i wish and want to...but i realise my strength is just so limited..

I miss her...I miss you..I miss eeyore..I miss ma tong...I miss my Laogong...I miss my beloved Dear....


Thru time goes, i realise i love you just that much ... till i can't breathe..

Live happily and that would be my best comfort..



* To realise..to see..to feel...to know..what love is exactly about...